The adoption laws in Utah state that you have to wait six months before you can officially finalize adoptions in court, and we had been meeting with our attorney and counting down the days till Jas turned six months! It seemed that we had all the paperwork in order, and we had asked our attorney to see if they could arrange something as close to her six month date as possible because we knew that mom and dad would be in town. Luckily, our attorney was able to schedule something for October 3, the day after conference! We also called the temple and asked if we could schedule a sealing, and they said that we could schedule it for the very next day! So mom and dad extended their stay by a few days so that they could be here for both the court hearing and the sealing! So many other people came out for the event too: Jamie and Andy flew into town, Kim drove up from Vegas, and Amber flew in for the weekend too, all so that they could celebrate becoming a family with us!
Monday morning, we got all ready and headed to the courthouse downtown. I was a little nervous; our attorney had told us that the judge would ask us questions about the adoption and about our family life and I had volunteered to speak first. I wanted everything to go perfect! It was so nice when we got to the courthouse and saw so much of our family there: Lisa, Tracy, Renee and of course Matt's parents were there, and a ton of people from Matt's work had also come to support us as well!
Our attorney finally walked into the courtroom, and he called Matt and me outside to talk with us for a few minutes. He explained to us that he had just met with the judge to get ready for our case, and she had let him know that there was some paperwork missing: our social worker had failed to file the report of the follow up visits that she had done at our house with the adoption agency, so there was no record of her post placement visits. Our attorney stated that this report was not usually necessary; some judges don't even look at the report at all. He was also surprised that she was asking for this because most judges will not even schedule a court date unless everything is already in order, so he had assumed that they were fine. But our judge was asking for it now and had let him know that she would not be signing the paperwork until she had reviewed that report.
This news kind of washed over me like a warm breeze. I didn't really realize what the attorney was saying until I looked at Matt and it finally dawned on me: we could not be sealed the next day without that paperwork. A little panic set in, but the attorney assured me that we could fix this easily as soon as we got the report. I knew our social worker had made the two required visits, but I didn't know if she had written the report yet. So I told him I could call the agency and the social worker as soon as we got out of court and see if we could get that report as soon as possible.
We went forward with the hearing, and everything went well. The judge asked me a lot of questions about why I was adopting, how it had been so far, and how I was enjoying being a mother. I cried on record. She only asked Matt if he agreed with everything I had said; he got off easy! She reminded us that she wasn't going to sign the paperwork yet, and but that everything else was just fine. We put our signatures on the paperwork and took some quick pictures
As soon as we left the courtroom, I texted the agency and the social worker to see if anyone had that report. I had planned on working in the afternoon, so Matt dropped Jas off at daycare and I went back to work. The agency finally texted me and said that the social worker had let them know that she had written the report, but it was on her computer at home and she couldn't send it to the attorney until she got home that night. I was relieved to have some news, but was still a little apprehensive. I gave our attorney the update, and he assured me he would file the report as soon as he got it. He even called the court and arranged to speak with the judge first thing in the morning so that we could get the paperwork as soon as possible.
Matt and I decided that we needed to call the temple and postpone the sealing to the afternoon to give us a little extra time to make sure we had everything. We called everyone and let them know as well, and said we would give them an update in the morning. I finally heard from the social worker who confirmed that she had sent the report, and then our attorney confirmed that he had filed it with the court. So all we could do was wait till morning and see what the judge said.
The next morning, we got up and prepared to go to the temple. Everyone in our family was praying for us that everything would go through, and I was confident that it would be fine. Mom (and by mom I mean Matt) made a big pot of chili and a pan of cornbread for everyone to eat after the sealing. We waited and waited for our attorney to call us, but when he finally called, he said that the judge hadn't returned his calls yet. He apologized profusely and said that the judge had assured him that she would call him first thing in the morning, but she just didn't. So all we could do was wait and wait and wait. The hours ticked by, and soon Matt and I realized that it was officially too late. Jamie and Andy and my parents all had planes to catch, and we consigned ourselves to the fact that there just wasn't enough time for the sealing anymore that day.
We called and sent texts to all our friends and family, a few of whom were already downtown. I wish I could say that I handled this disappointment well, but nothing could be further from the truth. I completely fell apart. I locked myself in Jas's room for a good hour and just cried. I was heartbroken. I was embarrassed. I was angry. I refused to talk to anyone. I could not understand why everything surrounding this adoption had to be SO DIFFICULT. Jasmine was the absolute most perfect baby in the whole world, but everything about her adoption seemed to be constantly fraught with all of the most horribly frustrating and aggravating problems that could possibly occur in the adoption process. And now all of our family was going to have to go back home after traveling out to Utah for nothing, and we would not be sealed as a family. I was completely devastated.
I eventually laid down for a little while, and a nap made me feel a little bit better. I came downstairs to find that Matt had bought me some beautiful flowers to cheer me up because he just didn't know what else to do.
Am wanted to come over and be with me, and my Aunt Cathie wanted to come over as well. I was so grateful that Am was there! We just sat and talked for a few hours and it lifted some of the heaviness from my heart. When I finally got another call from our attorney, he told us that the judge had now decided that there was another problem with the adoption: the adoption agency had not come to the hearing, nor provided any physical form of consent for the adoption. Our attorney was again flabbergasted because the law in Utah states that an adoption agency implies consent by failing to register a protest when they are notified of the adoption hearing taking place. However, our judge had decided that this was not good enough for her, and now she would not sign the paperwork until the agency came into court and confirmed relinquishment in person.
At this point, I had given up on any sort of timeline. I had no idea how long it would take to sort everything out, so we just accepted the fact that we didn't know when we would be able to go to the temple. Matt's parents brought Jamie and Andy over, and we all ate as much of the food as we could. Eventually, Jamie and Andy had to get to the airport, and then my mom and dad had to leave too. It was such a hard and disappointing day, but Matt kept reminding me that in the end, it would not matter because eventually everything would work out and we would be able to take Jas to the temple. I knew that he was right, and I was grateful that I had him to remind me that I just needed to be patient and let go of things that I could not control. But I was still so sad.
Am was in town for one more day, so the next day I left work a little early and headed out to Midway to visit her and Mama Speakman.
I was so glad that I could spend a little bit of extra time with them, especially since Am had come out for the sealing and probably wouldn't be able to come back again. Midway is such a special place for me and the memories I have there are so very precious! Really like a second home to me during my college years. I love the Speakmans so much!
Two days later, the judge set up another hearing with the adoption agency and they confirmed their relinquishment. The judge signed off on all the paperwork and it was finally, really, officially, all done. Our attorney was amazing and comped all of the extra work that he had done basically the whole week for us because he felt so bad for everything we had been through, which was obviously a huge blessing for us. Matt asked me if I wanted to go to the temple right away, but we decided that we would wait a little while longer and ask Lance and Romina if we could have the sealing close to their wedding so that family could be there again, which they very graciously said was perfectly fine with them. I talked to my family as well, and not only could mom and dad come out again, but Kar and Kell worked it out so that they could be there too!
In talking with Matt afterwards, I realized that I still have a huge amount of very real PTSD that I am struggling with because of this adoption. I thought that I had moved past it, but I may still have a ways to go. The pain and anxiety that I endured this past year was so bad that I fear my ability to cope with any sort of stress may be compromised for a long time. I have also been sick for pretty much the last 10 months, so I am pretty sure that my body has yet to really physically recover as well. But I am grateful that I have Matt to help me through these things, and no amount of pain or sadness compares to the insurmountable joy that my sweet Jas bring to my life every day. I know that Heavenly Father can work miracles in my life, and I know that He has already. But sometimes they don't always come like you want them to, and that needs to be okay too.
I love my family!
Am wanted to come over and be with me, and my Aunt Cathie wanted to come over as well. I was so grateful that Am was there! We just sat and talked for a few hours and it lifted some of the heaviness from my heart. When I finally got another call from our attorney, he told us that the judge had now decided that there was another problem with the adoption: the adoption agency had not come to the hearing, nor provided any physical form of consent for the adoption. Our attorney was again flabbergasted because the law in Utah states that an adoption agency implies consent by failing to register a protest when they are notified of the adoption hearing taking place. However, our judge had decided that this was not good enough for her, and now she would not sign the paperwork until the agency came into court and confirmed relinquishment in person.
At this point, I had given up on any sort of timeline. I had no idea how long it would take to sort everything out, so we just accepted the fact that we didn't know when we would be able to go to the temple. Matt's parents brought Jamie and Andy over, and we all ate as much of the food as we could. Eventually, Jamie and Andy had to get to the airport, and then my mom and dad had to leave too. It was such a hard and disappointing day, but Matt kept reminding me that in the end, it would not matter because eventually everything would work out and we would be able to take Jas to the temple. I knew that he was right, and I was grateful that I had him to remind me that I just needed to be patient and let go of things that I could not control. But I was still so sad.
Am was in town for one more day, so the next day I left work a little early and headed out to Midway to visit her and Mama Speakman.
I was so glad that I could spend a little bit of extra time with them, especially since Am had come out for the sealing and probably wouldn't be able to come back again. Midway is such a special place for me and the memories I have there are so very precious! Really like a second home to me during my college years. I love the Speakmans so much!
Two days later, the judge set up another hearing with the adoption agency and they confirmed their relinquishment. The judge signed off on all the paperwork and it was finally, really, officially, all done. Our attorney was amazing and comped all of the extra work that he had done basically the whole week for us because he felt so bad for everything we had been through, which was obviously a huge blessing for us. Matt asked me if I wanted to go to the temple right away, but we decided that we would wait a little while longer and ask Lance and Romina if we could have the sealing close to their wedding so that family could be there again, which they very graciously said was perfectly fine with them. I talked to my family as well, and not only could mom and dad come out again, but Kar and Kell worked it out so that they could be there too!
In talking with Matt afterwards, I realized that I still have a huge amount of very real PTSD that I am struggling with because of this adoption. I thought that I had moved past it, but I may still have a ways to go. The pain and anxiety that I endured this past year was so bad that I fear my ability to cope with any sort of stress may be compromised for a long time. I have also been sick for pretty much the last 10 months, so I am pretty sure that my body has yet to really physically recover as well. But I am grateful that I have Matt to help me through these things, and no amount of pain or sadness compares to the insurmountable joy that my sweet Jas bring to my life every day. I know that Heavenly Father can work miracles in my life, and I know that He has already. But sometimes they don't always come like you want them to, and that needs to be okay too.
I love my family!
No comments:
Post a Comment