... that Matt said:

On food:
Me: "This whipped cream is so thick, it's almost butter."
Matt: "I know, right?? We're so lucky!!"


On manners:

Matt: Eating Chinese food in a restaurant with his fingers.
Me: "Honey."
Matt: "What?"
Me: "No."
Matt: "But they're just like little chopsticks!"
Me: "No."

One of the many excuses I've heard for not showering: "It's Pioneer Day! I'm living like them!"

On passing gas:
Matt: "I may have pooped my pants."
Me:
Matt: "Just kidding."
Me:
Matt: "Actually, maybe I did. I didn't check."

While making me breakfast:
Matt: "You take this piece of toast, the other one has floor butter on it.
Me: "Floor butter?"
Matt: "Yeah like some butter dropped on the floor and I picked it up and put it on the bread."
Me:
Matt: "You know. Floor butter."

On having a very stylish mustache: "It's just getting to the point where I can use it like baleen."

When I told him that I would not split a disgusting Little Caesar's pretzel crust pizza with him: "I guess I'll just split it with... my stomach."

On seeing an ad for a Bariatric surgery center:
Matt: "Bariatric surgery? Is that like old gummy bear surgery?"
Me: "....... Yes."
Matt: (to the tune of Gummy Berry Juice) "Bariatric, Bariatric juuuice, Bariatric, Bariatric juuuice..."

When I asked him a question about football:
Me: "Are you embarrassed when I ask questions like that?"

Matt: "No, it's okay. They don't have football in China."


Trying to act mature:
Matt: "I'm very sophisticated."
Me: "No 'number two' jokes."
Matt: "'Number two' jokes are the height of sophistication right now."


On maintaining a well balanced diet: "Now that I'm cutting back on soda, I'm not getting as much corn syrup as I'd like."

Before he dragged me out for a night of Disco Skating:

"Honey, this is serious. I have to make sure I'm warmed up. I don't want to embarrass myself out there."

I love my Matty!!!