... that Matt said:

**DISCLAIMER: I sincerely apologize for any offense caused by the bathroom content in this post. Read at your own risk. Welcome to my life.

On quality entertainment: "It has Snoop Dogg in it. It must be good."

On eating healthy:
Matt: "It's good for you!"

Spencer: "Is sour cream good for you?"

Me: "No, it's not." 

Matt: "Mental health is important too!!!"

On eating Lucky Charms: "Candy for breakfast! We're in AMERICA!"

On eating pizza for breakfast and lunch: "At least I'm being healthy."

When I told him the sweater he was wearing was too small: "But honey, they hired me to be the office sexy attorney."

After having a small but painful bout of diarrhea: "It's probably from that Papa John's. I better eat another slice just to make sure though."

Leaving the door open while he goes to the bathroom: "I'll leave it open. Too much of a hassle. And in case I collapse, you can save me."

Going out to eat on our anniversary: "So, I get two burgers cause we've been married for two years, right?"

When he realized he owned Hot Rod: "I just went up in my own estimation."

Watching Newsies: "I think it was the dancing that ultimately won Pulitzer over."

On Matthew McConaughey: "He has a lot of muscle mass. People say, of The Matts, we have the closest body types."

On his healthy self image: "I'm a hulking man-beast with mighty thews."

On French words:

Me: "I watched the cooking channel today and learned how to make beignets."

Matt: "What's a beignet?"

Me: "A French don..."

Matt: "I think you mean a bidet."

On being rude:

Me: "Was that rude?"

Matt: "No... just a little... Blickenstaffy."
Me:

Matt: "That's what I'm gonna say from now on... Oh you're just being Blickenstaffy...."

On our pets:

Matt: "I think the perfect number of hog nosed snakes is six."
Me:
Matt: "Don't worry, I'll tell you why."
Me:
Matt: "You're acting like I'm not going to tell you why. Cause we can have one male and breed to lots of females. Unless you're worried about monogamy."
Me: "Yes, all our pets need to be monogamous."
Matt: "Oh, one of your hamsters was A MURDERER and you're worried about monogamy???"

Going to see 47 Ronin:

Matt: "Honey, are you so excited? I know it's Japanese culture, but..."
Me:
Matt: "Just a little joke?"

Buying the tickets for 47 Ronin:

Matt: "Two for 47 Ronin. (In his best Japanese accent) We aw only two, fo 47 Ronin!"
Me: *stifled laughter*
Cashier:
Matt: "You've probably heard that joke a million times."
Cashier:
Matt: "Just kidding, I'm a genius."

In the theater waiting for 47 Ronin:

Matt: "What should we cheer?"
Me:
Matt: "Do you want to make it up?"
Me:
Matt: "I thought you didn't cheer last time cause you weren't the one to make it up."
Me:
Matt: "Keanu! Keanu! Keanu!"
Me: "STOP."

When he ripped his pants at work:

When I got mad at him for taking this picture at our anniversary dinner:

"Honey, I wanted it to be an accurate portrayal of what the last two years have been like for you!"

I love my Matty!!!!!